i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
