i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
