Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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