Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
