he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
