I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
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