why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
