im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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