Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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