wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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