Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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