Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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