sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
we should paint friendship bongs
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