You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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