Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
