I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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