Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
