dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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