fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
