if you like me you must not know who I am
Can Purell be used as lube?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Randomize
