And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
