is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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