So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
