do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
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