Umm I'm too high to move.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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