She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
