i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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