I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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