I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Randomize
