i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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