i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize