She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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