Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
