You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
