everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
