dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
