I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
