i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
