They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
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I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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