Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
