I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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