I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
