Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
