Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
