I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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