There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
