like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
