Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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