I accidentally had phone sex last night
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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