I think my fart just growled at me.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
