I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
