I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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