You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
