I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
