my shit smells like andre
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
