Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Randomize
