covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
