I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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