Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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