I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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