I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
