um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
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