Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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