i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
