all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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