Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
