I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
