HIV tests are more positive than that guy
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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