I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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