Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
