We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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