I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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