careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
