My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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