It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
