Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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