I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
