I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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