he looks like a really good dad on facebook
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
