Texts From Last Night

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  (813): View more from Florida

  I can't find my pants or my car

  (813): View more from Florida

  I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...

  (561): View more from Florida

  ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.

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  (813): I can't find my pants or my car (813): I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell... (561): ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal. http://tfl.nu/nq8v
  Replies (9) Good night (1384) Bad night (558)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Dude it was a lap dance

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  (410): That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club (301): Dude it was a lap dance http://tfl.nu/d6y0
  Replies (15) Good night (1509) Bad night (454)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.

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  (570): If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid. http://tfl.nu/ujtp
  Replies (16) Good night (803) Bad night (3435)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.

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  (770): Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird. http://tfl.nu/gky6
  Replies (23) Good night (492) Bad night (4264)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders

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  (248): so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders http://tfl.nu/1b2g
  Replies (21) Good night (4391) Bad night (1093)
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  (650): View more from California

  Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers

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  (650): Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers http://tfl.nu/4ij8
  Replies (64) Good night (9040) Bad night (871)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.

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  (201): She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more. http://tfl.nu/ypfs
  Replies (25) Good night (732) Bad night (4688)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for

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  (602): I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for http://tfl.nu/u905
  Replies (31) Good night (5190) Bad night (1055)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.

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  (253): There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs. http://tfl.nu/3p74
  Replies (22) Good night (5240) Bad night (742)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.

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  (706): six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot. http://tfl.nu/rrmy
  Replies (6) Good night (1432) Bad night (462)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.

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  (501): Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag. http://tfl.nu/w2wq
  Replies (3) Good night (1003) Bad night (443)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.

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  (780): Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house. http://tfl.nu/7s2y
  Replies (0) Good night (335) Bad night (595)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.

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  (309): Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror. http://tfl.nu/0k0h
  Replies (2) Good night (672) Bad night (368)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee

  (1-828): View more from North Carolina

  You were drinking Everclear weren't you?

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  (828): While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee (1-828): You were drinking Everclear weren't you? http://tfl.nu/a4qg
  Replies (0) Good night (505) Bad night (270)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.

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  (434): I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night. http://tfl.nu/x36l
  Replies (1) Good night (216) Bad night (536)

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