Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
