she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay