It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
just found the deal breaker
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.