I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat